A Forum for the New World Order

Here I am, on the eve of what I’ve been awaiting for for the last few months, if not my entire life, and I don’t feel it. I’ve lost whatever muse drove me here. I’m thinking pills again. I don’t wanna feel this. I’m crashing.

My brain’s made up of chemicals. My pills activated my chemicals. They bypassed whatever triggered my chemical dysfunction, but they let me feel again. And when that stopped working, I thought “well, that was nice while it lasted”, and deteriorated.

I saw Obama televised in 2004 at the DNC. I told nay-sayers he would be our next president. I was told to stop thinking such nonsense. So I took that crazy idea and put it away along with all of my other dashed hopes. Pills took care of the hole once occupied by hope.

I didn’t watch the news after Katrina. The president is a narcissist. He believes his own lies. He kills and tortures. And we put him there to rape our country. I’ve known the certifiably insane. I know hopeless when I see it. I know their techniques for overstepping reason and gaining allies. No reason left to fight. Nothing left to hope for. The Twin Towers were wired for controlled demolition. There, I said it.

Obama came back. It looked like he might win. There’s no way. Those psychopathic bastards will find some way to make sure we stay hopeless. But I remember remember on the 5th of November Matthews read my mind: “I want to help him succeed.”

I recognized the opening at the top of my brain as truth. I felt like a child. I crawled out, painfully, like a screaming baby: “this changes everything, everything, everything, everything”. I was drooling with wide-eyed, open-mouthed realization. I was seeing hope transformed into a shining futurescape. I exposed myself to it. I took off the clothes of my shame and stood in the middle of it. I wanted it to touch every cell in my body and consciousness. Because without my pills and without my clothes all I have is hope.

I saw my death and wasn’t afraid. I believed in Christ. I believed in myself again. I believed in my own brain, taking its place in a sea of brains; creating knowledge of a better way of being. I let go my knowledge of things like fear and shame and war and hate. I tuned to the frequency of space: our only hope for appreciating what we’ve squandered on Earth.

And people told me to get back in my hole. Well here I am. I didn’t even realize I had fallen. But I have. So, congratulations.

I’ll never know what caused my brain to turn on me this time. I’ll pretend to hope as long as I can. Until then, I leave it to Obama. I’m in awe of his strength against such odds.